“… just because we’ve been … dealt a certain hand … it doesn’t mean that we can’t choose to rise above — to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try and retain whatever essential humanity we can.”
– Vampire Edward Cullen in Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight.”

Twilight presents an interesting literary dilemma. What category do we place Stephenie Meyer’s successful novels of love between vampire Edward and klutzy, attractive mortal, Bella Swan, who spends most of the four-novel series pining to become undead?

For those unfamiliar with the series — “Twilight,” “New Moon,” “Eclipse” and “Breaking Dawn” — it involves high-schooler Bella Swan, who moves to rainy, overcast Forks, Wash., to live with her dad, Charlie, the local police chief. She becomes drawn to the hyper-beautiful Cullen clan, led by youngish doctor Carlisle. Bella develops a bond with Carlisle’s “son,” Edward, who is hesitant to act on but unable to resist their clear romantic attraction. Bella learns the clan — Edward, Carlisle, wife Emse, and couples Emmett Cullen and Rosalie Hale, and Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale — are vampires. The clan has — through self-control — shed most bloodthirsty tendencies and are “vegetarians,” meaning they consume animal blood.

Most of the series — in a nutshell — involves Edward, the Cullens and other allies saving “damsel in distress” Bella from various vampire threats, including a sinister, “Deatheaterlike, for you Harry Potter fans,” clan of elite, watchdog vampires called The Volturi. Later in the series, Jacob, a younger friend of Bella’s, is revealed as part of a clan of wolf-like shape-shifters. Bitter enemies, the shape-shifters and vampires reach an uneasy truce with a shared goal of protecting Bella.

In Breaking Dawn, the final and best novel of the series, Bella becomes a vampire and unites with the Cullens, the shape-shifters, and other vampires to repel an attack from the Volturi, who want to destroy Bella and her family for a reason disclosed later in this essay.

A HOT PARANORMAL ROMANCE

So, back to the question: What genre is Meyer’s Twilight series? It’s a paranormal romance for teens and those ubiquitious Twilight moms who seek a mostly chaste romantic thrill in middle age. Meyer, a devout Mormon who tags the Book of Mormon as a favorite, is a splendid writer who can craft a page-turner, but take away the horror elements and Edward is basically a good-hearted Fabio with fangs. Bella is the wench on the paperback cover in the supermarket without the heaving bosoms. Despite its PG-rated writing, Twilight is a hot tale between the lines, with lust and passion to the extreme. It’s amazing how chaste Meyer makes it all seem. She protectively guides avid 11-year-olds, such as my own daughter, demurely through a bout of very rough sex between newlyweds Edward and Bella in Breaking Dawn. (The film adaptation of Twilight loses some of the characters’ nuances but retains the feminine fantasy that drives the series’ success.)

A consistency in the paranormal romance genre — teenage zombie love stories are another current, hot genre — is a make-it-up-as-you-go-along attitude to the horror elements. Twilight can’t honestly be called a horror tale — there’s no consistency to traditional vampire lore. The biggest plot hole? There is no human check on a Meyer-created vampire’s thirst or savagery. No cross can stop Meyer’s vampires. They glitter — rather than wither — in the sunlight. No human-propelled stake can pierce a vampire’s heart. Reading while the evil Volturi vampires casually snack on unwary tourists, a reader must wonder, why don’t these Twilight vampires take over the earth and keep the humans as livestock? There’s nothing to stop this sinister option — one that Dracula, Lestat, or Carmilla never had.

A CHRISTIAN MORALITY TALE

But then there’s a paradox: Twilight is also a morality tale. Although Meyer favors no religion in her books, analogies to Christian teachings — many favored in Latter-day Saint lore — are everywhere. (In fact, there is a LDS modern-day vampire tale, Eugene Woodbury’s “Angel Falling Softly,” published by Zarahemla. The two novels have similar themes, and will be compared later in this essay.)

The vegetarian vampires, the Cullens, have chosen to be in the vampire world but not of the vampire world. The term “in the world but not of the world” is familiar to most active Mormons. We’ve heard it since we were Sunbeams. The Cullens acknowledge their savage vampire world but make a conscious decision to avoid what they regard as a sin, attacking and eating humans. Animals, however, are on the earth to feed them. Free agency is exercised. And it’s a difficult choice. The smell of human blood creates a desire in Meyer’s vampires akin to torture if not satiated. But the Cullens spurn it. Family patriarch Carlisle regards it as less a choice than a matter of self-control. In fact, the gentle Carlisle has become a doctor, deliberately exposing himself to human blood to heal humans.

The Cullens, despite differences of opinion over whether they can be saved, clearly have moral values. They have love for humans. Wrong behavior exists. To some, God looks over all creatures, even “monsters.”

ATONEMENT AND ETERNAL LIFE

In Breaking Dawn, Bella’s transformation must be considered an analogy to the Atonement. She endures agony so horrific that it almost — but not quite — reaches parody. The suffering is required to bear her and Edward’s half-human, half-vampire daughter, Renesmee. The child is only the second recorded offspring of a male vampire, female human mating. To deliver Renesmee, Bella must die and suffer immense torments. But then she awakes, with a perfect, immortal body.

Bella’s body transformation after she becomes a vampire is akin to how many Latter-day Saints regard exaltation. Here’s how Bella describes her change on pages 482-483 in Breaking Dawn:

“I was never going to get tired, and neither was he. We didn’t have to catch our breath or rest or eat or even use the bathroom; we had no more mundane human needs. He had the most beautiful, perfect body in the world and I had him all to myself, and it didn’t feel like I was ever going to find a point where I would think, ‘Now I’ve had enough for one day.’ I was always going to want more. And the day was never going to end. So, in such a situation, how did we ever stop?

“It didn’t bother me at all that I had no answer.”

Admit it, Meyer just defined “eternal life” more clearly than the average ward Gospel doctrine class can.

ANGEL FALLING SOFTLY V. TWILIGHT

As mentioned, there is a Latter-day Saint vampire novel, Woodbury’s “Angel Falling Softly.” It’s a sexier tale, with vampiress Milada Daranyi prowling both the wards of Sandy and the night life of Salt Lake City. The pale, uber-sexy teen-like Milada is a corporate big-shot prepping to buy a Utah medical research firm. Milada rents a Sandy home with a cool, shaded basement. Naturally, the ward members arrive.

Enter bishop’s wife Rachel Forsythe. Milada, who toys with most of the ward members, is drawn to a close, even passionate relationship with Rachel. Rachel’s young daughter, Jennifer, is dying. As Rachel begins to understand what Milada is, she concocts a desperate, dark plan to keep her daughter alive. At no time does she seriously entertain or consult priesthood authority. Instead, she trusts her mortal instincts.

Angel Falling Softly has caused some controversy. Fantasy author and conservative LDS columnist Orson Scott Card has scorned the novel. Some LDS bloggers share Card’s disdain. What fuels the criticism is probably the R-rated sex scenes, including lesbianism, and a resolution that tests the Gospel-comfort homily that “families are forever.”

But that test is a strength of Woodbury’s tale. As LDS blogger Moriah Jovan writes in her online review, “It’s a character study of the things we, as Latter-day Saints, might do when pushed into a corner with no apparent way out. It also asks if we have faith in what we say we believe.”

Twilight and Angel Falling Softly are distinct tales. Angel Falling Softly is clearly for adults, Twilight for youngsters, teens and moms. Angel Falling Softly is a regional novel, read by at best thousands. Twilight is an epic, read by millions. Angel Falling Softly is overtly religious, with clear LDS doctrines. Twilight’s religious lessons are allegorical.

In Angel Falling Softly, Rakosi, Milada’s late creator, created vampires to satisfy his thirst, greed and loneliness. Twilight’s patriarch Carlisle creates vampires to save a dying individual. Angel Falling Softly probes human society, with Milada’s curiosity directed at her human, LDS neighbors. Although Angel Falling Softly is written by a male, it’s most interested in females. Other vampires are limited in character, and in the background. In contrast, Twilight’s Bella is interested in her vampire friends, and later shape-shifters. Twilight’s female writer is mostly interested in male “monsters.” And the humans in Twilight, including Bella’s parents, stay in the background for most of the series.

Finally, the sun’s impact on a vampire differs in both novels. In Twilight, the vampires glitter and dazzle in the sun. In Angel Falling Softly, their skins burns, sheds and eventually regenerates.

PARALLELS BETWEEN THE NOVELS

One parallel to the novels is the decency of the main vampires. The Cullens have clear moral values that extend to humans. Early in Angel Falling Softly, Milada risks her vampire cover to save a young boy’s life. Also, Milada’s sister Kamilla — like Carlisle — is a doctor. Although Kamilla has a small role in Woodbury’s novel, both she and Twilight’s Carlisle contrast Edward and Milada, who at points in both novels are convinced they are without souls and beyond redemption. Nevertheless, both Edward and Milada establish close, intimate relationships with humans who believe otherwise. And both Edward and Milada choose to preserve human life — a clear contrast to the roles occupied by past literary vampires.

Accumulated wealth through a clan’s shared sacrifice is also a theme in Angel Falling Softly and Twilight. Milada’s clan, that includes her sister and others, have through time accumulated massive wealth. So have the Cullens. Their virtue is rewarded materially. This is important when contrasted to the novels’ nomadic vampires.

In Angel Falling Softly, Rakosi, Kamilla and  Milada’s uncouth creator, is long dead, having willingly expired in poverty. The nomads in Twilight are poor, thirsty wanderers, picking off unwary humans savagely.

REDEMPTION QUESTION

Questions of redemption dominate the climax of both tales. In Angel Falling Softly, young Jennifer is clearly a vampire. Rachel’s choice will lead, it seems, to her losing her daughter. Milada’s decision to help her is as much for having another eternal companion as it is for pity. She’s lonely.  In fact, in a perceptive passage, Milada sensibly asks Rachel why she worries about Jennifer’s death if she knows they will be together after death. In Twilight, Renesmee’s birth in Breaking Dawn underscores what many characters wonder: If a monster can create life, isn’t there a creator for the monsters?

Both Angel Falling Softly and the Twilight series do not have secure happy endings. A sequel to Angel Falling Softly would be intriguing. One wonders how Rachel Forsythe’s choice plays out.

And in Twilight, the Cullens, shape-shifters and their allies survive a tense showdown with the evil Volturi elites, but there’s no guarantee of eternal safety. The Volturi represent tradition — and control. They try to destroy the Cullens because they fear Renesmee’s new life in their world. They see paranormal children as new minds they cannot control, and therefore must destroy.

In these new vampire tales of romance, love, despair, hope, eternal life and exaltation, life has been preserved, but evil, and uncertainty, still exist.

This is a longer version of an edited column that was published in the Standard-Examiner print edition on Nov. 15.  This version, along with an accompanying cartoon from the Standard-Examiner’s Calvin Grondahl, was published in today’s edition of Currents, The Standard’s digital-only publication on politics and culture. To subscribe to Currents, call (801) 625-4400.

What might you expect to see on a 25-mile roundtrip bicycle ride on the Legacy trail between Farmington and North Salt Lake? Here’s a checklist, compiled from my Nov. 11 outing.

Horses. It’s quite an equestrian area. Much of the trail borders horse pastures. Urban civilization’s finally intruded into this vestige of 19th century rural Davis County.

Horse droppings. A lot. I mention this not to be crude, but to help explain the next item. You’d better watch the trail or you might ride into some fresh production.

Feral cats. On my return trip to Farmington, it was late afternoon, an overcast day. I was tired, and my vision’s never the best. So, as I coasted toward a couple piles of horse dung, one of them looked up with feline eyes. I swerved right, hoping to split the middle of the two cats. The cat on the left darted left and I watched its back muscles ripple in a sprint as I passed a few inches away. The other cat didn’t move. I rode on, relieved I didn’t kill a kitty, or myself, in a cycle-paws collision.

Cattails. Spending 98 percent of my life these days in South Ogden, Ogden, Salt Lake or on Interstate 15, I don’t see much rural vegetation. This day I saw lots of cattails and the other stuff that grows in wetlands areas. It reminded me of those pheasant hunting trips with my dad and brothers 40 years ago in western Weber County.

Geese. When I heard them, I laughed. It took me back to a couple of weeks earlier, when my wife and I got lost temporarily in South Jordan, in the dark, trying to find an event center. We found ourselves in a dead-end subdivision under construction. We heard geese.

Barns. Many old, some modern. A few looked to be as old as Brigham Young.

Old tractors.

Old trucks.

New tractors. One was a John Deere harvesting fall crops.

Rusted school buses. They must junk them out here to part them out, but what an eyesore.

Mildly confusing trail signs. The trail people did a nice job of placing signage in all the important spots. I quibble that a few of the directional signs are oddly positioned for easy rider viewing; the directional arrows are a bit too small; and the directional presentation is counterintuitive in a few places.

Plastic banners on chain link subdivision fences advertising new homes “in the $300,000s.” Wonder how that’s going.

Frontrunner trains.

Freight trains.

A portable toilet. Yes, one of those turquoise and white units is placed on the trail edge near the North Salt Lake trailhead. The only other facilities I noticed on the ride were at the Farmington trailhead, the FrontRunner station.

In-line skaters.

Bicyclists. This must be a popular trail already, because I saw many riders, more than I expected on a cool Wednesday afternoon.

Helicopters. Takeoffs and landings from the Bountiful airport.

Airliners. The south end of the trail is close enough to see northern traffic in and out of the Salt Lake International Airport.

Refineries. You have a panoramic view of the infamous North Salt Lake refineries, the big neon Flying J and Shell Oil signs along Interstate 215 and the scarred Salt Lake entryway mountainside.

Cars. A lot of cars. You do not elude the sight and the noise of traffic on the Legacy Highway. Too bad, but we’ll make the best of the bike trail.

Happily, I did not see some of the sights that can degrade a trail experience:

Trash. Not one scrap. Hopefully, people are behaving themselves, but there must be a dedicated cleanup drill.

The trail asphalt surface was pristine. It’s very well built. The absence of cracks and potholes was a treat.

Obnoxious people. No loudmouths, drunks or scary freaks. Bonus!

Sarah Palin’s book “Going Rogue” arrived this week and not surprisingly, most of the mainstream media greeted it with forced snark. The Associated Press assigned 11 reporters to “fact-check” the book. They came up with a few alleged “inconsistencies.” If the AP wants those reporters to really work, there’s President Obama’s previous memoirs and anything Al Gore has written on global warming.

Also, the soft, aging white intellectual male progressives who run the once-thriving Newsweek used a cover picture of Palin in tight shorts that had run in “Runners World” magazine. Why that photo — appropriate for Runners World, sexist for Newsweek — and not one of Palin on the campaign or with her family? The middle-aged liberal men at Newsweek despise Palin. They don’t quite understand why attractive, conservative, smart women upset them, but to deal with it they have to pick a photo that portrays Palin as the Betty Page-type bimbo they want readers to see  her as.

But the worst case of Palin hatred is at Current, Al Gore’s pod news network. In a satire cartoon, Palin was referred to as “Gun-ho” and a “TWILF,” which is an extremely vulgar term which reflects deep hatred for women. If Fox News did this to any liberal woman, imagine the news coverage. Of course, there’s nary a media ripple on the Current piece. Story

Some time ago, a friend of mine asked me about smoking and being vegan. As a then-new vegan, I explained that my reasons for it were ethical, not for health, so the fact that I smoked wasn’t in conflict at all with being a purposeful vegan. I didn’t really think much else about it at the time, since it seemed to answer my friend’s question. But the question has come back to me as I learn more about what ethical veganism really is.

I’ve had to ask myself again, is it vegan to smoke? And after much thought, I’ve had to answer myself, “Of course it’s not vegan, but who cares?! It’s just plain stupid!” I quit smoking last Friday, (yes, Friday the 13^th – what do you expect from someone who talks to themselves?).

That smoking is harmful to those who do it, is a given. I have never wanted to commit to being a smoker. Unfortunately, until recently, I’ve also never really wanted to commit to being a non-smoker, either. But smoking demands a commitment from us, whether we want to give it or not. And the whole time it has us, it is destroying our health little by little – aging our skin, damaging our respiratory tract, clogging arteries, bringing us closer to stroke, cancer, and other health disasters…and all the while, spending our money at an ever-increasing rate. Still, it’s easy for an addict to rationalize smoking.

What about vegan ethics regarding harm to other living creatures and the environment? Most smokers avoid exposing others to second-hand smoke, and some (although not enough) would never litter cigarette butts. Since cigarettes are a plant-based product, it would seem that there is nothing inherently un-vegan about it, as long as we are responsible and considerate about where and when we light up. Indeed, we can rationalize this too, if we are viewing the act of smoking on an independent level.

It isn’t until we consider what kind of suffering goes into the cigarette before we smoke it, and what kind of harm lingers in its remains, afterward – that the un-veganness of smoking becomes obvious.  Here are 3 (more) good reasons why vegans especially should not smoke.

Tobacco Slave Trade

Although America freed its tobacco production slaves nearly 150 years ago, slavery in the tobacco industry is still alive and well in countries such as Malawi, where children working on plantations are regularly exposed to toxic levels of nicotine from handling the plants.

Multi-national companies own these plantations, so even if none of your cigarettes come directly from child slave labor, it is likely that you are supporting a company that trades in humans.

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BBC: Malawi Children in Tobacco Industry

Animal Testing of Cigarettes and Nicotine

By becoming addicted to nicotine, we drive the use of animals either to test the product, research its effects, or to evaluate new drugs to help us quit.

Vegans avoid using any product that is tested on animals, wherever possible – but many are unaware of the on-going animal testing that is (and has been, for many years) conducted by the tobacco industry and big pharm.

Dying for a Cigarette

Environmental Impact

As if testing cigarettes on animals were not bad enough, researchers are now calling for used butts to be classified as toxic waste. They came to this conclusion after conducting an experiment in which fish were placed in water that had had cigarette butts soaking in it for 24 hours. Half the fish died within 5 days. Even if your butts are properly disposed of in the trash, ultimately, they will end up in a landfill or perhaps the ocean, where those toxins will leech into groundwater or aquatic/marine habitat.

Cigarette Butts Are Toxic Waste: Study

According to a just-released CNN poll, Americans are giving a big thumbs-down to the Obama administration’s decision to try the Sept. 11 terrorist mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed in a civilian court. Sixty four percent of us want KSM tried in a military court; only 34 percent agree with President Obama that KSM should be tried in a civilian court in New York City. Read

Sixty percent of us believe KSM should be tried in the United States; 37 percent say the trial should be outside the U.S.

The CNN report reads in part: “The decision to bring Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in front of a civilian court is universally unpopular – even a majority of Democrats and liberals say that he should be tried by military authorities,” says CNN Polling Director Keating Holland. “Despite that, most Americans say that he will get a fair trial in the U.S.”

Almost eight in 10 Americans support the death penalty if KSM is found guilty, including a healthy percentage of those who don’t usually favor the death penalty.

Weber State’s Tim Toone received some honors on Monday following his spectacular performance on Saturday.

Toone returned a punt 90 yards to give the Wildcats a 13-9 lead in the third quarter over Northern Arizona. WSU eventually won the game 27-9, and because of Toone’s game changing play he was named both the Big Sky Conference special teams player of the week and The Sports Network’s FCS nation special teams player of the week.

Weber State head football coach Ron McBride said he prayed for snow for the Wildcats’ game on Saturday against Northern Arizona. He sure got his wish as WSU defeated the Lumberjacks 27-9 during a snowstorm at Stewart Stadium.

Tim Toone’s 90-yard punt return for a touchdown, which gave WSU a 13-9 lead in the third quarter, was the difference.

“They kicked it, I caught it and made one move and it opened up again,” said Toone. “I was running and everyone was blocking.”

Greetings from a snowy Stewart Stadium. That’s right, the snow is coming down hard as the Weber State Wildcats and Northern Arizona Lumberjacks are warming up on the field for today’s game, which starts at noon.

But the field crew is working the hardest, trying to shovel of the snow on the sidelines and the end zone. Hopefully they’ll get the lines on the field as well, or else it’s going to be a little difficult to tell where the ball is at the start of each play.

It’s days like this that I’m glad I have a seat in the press box, although for some reason the air conditioning is on here. Hopefully that gets fixed as well.

Ever given someone your number and later regretted the barrage of text messages or phone calls from that individual? Have you ever wasted time looking through call logs and old texts trying to find a phone number that you called or an address that somebody sent you? What about getting that important phone call during a meeting and having to wait anxiously before listening to the voice mail that the caller left?

For anyone that has had similar experiences to these, what if there was a service out there that could help alleviate or eliminate some of these problems? What if there was a service out there that let you block individual numbers, search through all of your stored text messages, and read transcribed voice mails at those inconvenient times when you cant listen to your messages? Well, in comes formerly-known-as-GrandCentral, Google Voice. As if what I mentioned was not enough, Google Voice also does multiple phone ringing, call screening, text messaging, personalized voice mail messages based on who’s calling, call recording, and in-call phone switching.

Let me give you a brief overview of how this virtual operator works. You sign up for the service, get a log in, and a phone number. Once signed in, you add all of the phones you desire to your account. Your cell phone, home phone, work phone, even your Gizmo number (more on that later). When a caller calls your Google Voice number, you can set it up so that all of your phones ring. You take the call on the phone that you choose. Picked the call up on your cell, but have since gotten back to your desk at work? Press * during the call to transfer it to your work phone. The call is from an embittered ex that is threatening to harm Hansel, your pet miniature schnauzer? Press 4 and the call starts being recorded. If they call back from a different phone, screen the call by listening in before you actually answer it. If they try again from a blocked or unknown number Google Voice can make them say their name and announce it to you before you decide to pick up. Setup a personalized voice mail message that only this person will hear that tells them how Hansel just went to the bathroom in their favorite pair of shoes. If they persist, have Google Voice block the number, and the next time they call they will be greeted with a recording that states “do do do . . . were sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected”.

These are some of the basic features of Google Voice. For a more comprehensive list and video click here. Until Google has opened the service to the public it is available by invite only. To get on the waiting list (a few friends have reported it taking just a couple weeks) click here. Now that you have a basic idea of how the service works, let me share a couple Google Voice secrets with you.

Get a Google Voice Number Without the Wait

There are a couple ways to get on the Google Voice train without having to wait for your special invitation. Find someone that already has the service, and they may be able to send you one of their limited invites. Right now I am sitting on three that I’m dying to hand out for others to enjoy. Also, invites can be purchased for relatively cheap on ebay. Purchase one through an auction and you could be linking it to your Google account within minutes.

Use Google Voice With Your Existing Number

This isn’t really a secret, but late in October Google announced that you could use a less robust version of their voice service with an existing cell phone number. Although visual voice mail, voice mail transcription, and custom voice mail greetings are some of the only features that you get, some people just cant imagine letting go of the number they currently have. Google hears you, and until they have created a way to port over your existing number, this is their solution.

Unlimited Minutes Using a “Faves” Plan

With it’s new “Even More” plans, T-mobile may be trying to phase out their myFaves calling plans, but Google Voice breathes new life into this feature. There are two ways to make calls with your Google Voice number: 1) Through the web you choose the contact you want to call or enter the number, you receive an incoming call from your Google Voice number, pick it up, and then it connects the two of you. Your cellphone carrier sees it as an incoming call from your Google Voice number. 2) You call your Google Voice number from your phone and enter the number that you want to call (Android, Palm WebOS, and others have applications that automate this process). Your cellphone carrier sees this as an outgoing call to your Google Voice number. Add that number to Verizon’s Friends & Family, T-Mobile’s Fave 5, or AT&T’s A-List and either of those calls would have been free. If you are with Sprint, call customer service, request to be transferred to retentions, and ask them to add the Pick 3 option to your plan. Give them your Google Voice number and two others (they have to have the three numbers at that time) and you are set.

Free VOIP Home Phone

Gizmo5 may have just been acquired by Google, but for quite a while now it has been offering a VOIP service with free incoming calls. Remember from the previous paragraph that through the web, you can initiate a phone call to a contact or by entering a number. In turn Google calls you and then connects the call to the receiving party. To Gizmo5 it appears to be an incoming call. Setup your Gizmo5 number as one of your forwarding phones in Google Voice and incoming calls get automatically sent your way. Using this service allows you to receive and place free phone calls through the Internet. Using a headset with Gizmo’s software will be enough for some, but pair this setup with a device like an unlocked Linksys’ PAP2 and you can have the phone service work with all of the phones already in your house.

Use the Google Voice features to add functionality to your existing phone service, and use some of the Google Voice “tricks” to save some money over Ma Bell or your cell phone carrier. You may have to wait a few weeks to get yourself an invite, but coming from someone that has been using the service for several weeks now, Google Voice, the personal virtual phone assistant, is well worth it.

A couple of years ago my oldest daughter’s accelerated fifth-grade class viewed a film version of the well-regarded novel, “The Devil’s Arithmetic,” which involves a contemporary girl being thrust back in time into the horror of the Holocaust. I was thrilled she had a teacher motivated enough to teach her and others about the Holocaust. Unfortunately, some ignorant parents of other students in the class protested and initiated a crusade against the teacher, who was more or less suspended for several days. The intolerant parents were enabled by milquetoast district administrators who mostly took their embarrassing side. What’s most interesting is that a key argument against the teacher was that she had shown an “R” rated movie. She hadn’t, of course. “The Devil’s Arithmetic” is a TV movie. When I informed a district administrator that the film was not R-rated, he seemed very surprised. It was clear the non-existent “R” rating was a big deal.

OK, had an R-rated film been shown to fifth-graders, that would have been a big deal. The irony, though, is among much of the Mormon culture, an R-rated film about the Holocaust would not be tolerated for any ages — are we thinking “Schindler’s List” here? What about the crucifixion? “The Passion of the Christ” is a powerful, well-acted, deeply moving film. Trust me, it’s a much better, more spiritual, more faith-promoting film than the good-hearted “The Testaments.” But I know of an LDS ecclesiastical leader who told his congregation to not see the movie because it was R-rated. I have tried to convince friends who are, like myself, faithful members of the LDS church to see “The Passion of the Christ.” Some have looked at me like I’m the devil trying to tempt Christ to break his fast.

There are many R-rating spurners who are sincere, and avoid all films that cross a moral and personal line that they have set for themselves. I respect that. However, just about every week there are released into theaters PG or PG-13 rated comedy or light drama films with characters and events that are specifically sexual in nature and cast fornication or adultery in a positive light. Many of these films — “The Devil Wears Prada,” “Broadcast News,” “Mamma Mia” — are well-acted, well-produced films. I certainly won’t condemn anyone who enjoys spending two hours escaping real-life watching the films. Those three films, in fact, are among my favorites. My point is that 99 percent of my LDS friends who object to “The Passion of the Christ” don’t object to the PG-13 film at the cineplex; in fact, most have probably watched it.

Look, life is R-rated, and while I admit there’s little of R-rated life I’d want to see on the screen there are subjects, historical, religious or personal, that need an R rating to be effectively told. I know they covered deep subjects well in tame films generations ago, but we were a tamer society then. We laud old films such as “The Good Earth” and “Elmer Gantry” as classics but don’t realize until we read the novels that all the R-rated parts were taken out. A high priest in a former ward once scoffed at my respect for “The Godfather” films. “Edward G. Robinson did it better than Al Pacino, and you can take the family to see the film,” was what he more or less said. Well, I’m a big admirer of Robinson’s sneer, but “The Godfather” is a superb parable of capitalism run amok. It may be the greatest epic tale told on the screen. I’m glad I was able to introduce the trilogy to my wife, who loved the films.

In the past 20-plus years, a myth has grown within the LDS church that members are not supposed to watch any R-rated movies. It’s nonsense. It stems from a speech given by the late prophet Ezra Taft Benson, who advised LDS teenagers to avoid R-rated films. Writer Orson Scott Card, while defending “The Passion of the Christ” in a column, recounted what President Benson actually said: “We counsel you, young men, not to pollute your minds with such degrading matter, for the mind through which this filth passes is never the same afterwards. Don’t see R-rated movies or vulgar videos or participate in any entertainment that is immoral, suggestive, or pornographic. Don’t listen to music that is degrading.” (Ensign, May 1986, p 43)

That makes perfect sense for the youth of the LDS church. They should avoid films such as “Porky’s.” And most R-rated films are not meant for children. But, as Card points out, there is nothing about “The Passion of the Christ” that fits what Benson was warning youth about. Clearly, “immoral, suggestive, or pornographic” entertainment is what we are warned against, not R-rated films.

I don’t expect the myth of R-rated films to ever really go away. I know a family member who promised Heavenly Father a long time ago that she would stop watching R-rated movies. I’m sure He appreciates the gesture, although He’s probably a fan of “Braveheart.”

This column, along with an accompanying cartoon from the Standard’s Cal Grondahl, was published in Currents, The Standard-Examiner’s digital-only section on politics and culture. To access Currents, call (801) 625-4400.