Would your God’s theme park have meat balls?

A link to a story about the governor of Kentucky favoring tax incentives to build a theme park based on the  creationist version of the Bible got me to thinking: Why not do something similar in Utah?

If tax incentives in Kentucky can build a life size Noah’s Ark, maybe what Utah could do is build an alternate theme park based on the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Instead of an ark we would have a pirate ship, but other than that it would actually be quite similar. Maybe we could call it “Meat Ball Square,” or something.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is, of course, an actual religion with every bit as much  archeological and documented historical proof as the creationist stuff, which is to say, ”absolutely none.”

Pastafarians have one advantage, as they like to point out, which is that in debates over the form of God, or even the existence of God, there is indisputable proof that pasta exists.

Pastafarianism has a better explanation for Climate Change than anyone else: The decline in pirates is causing the rising global temperatures because, well, look at the data. Somalia aside, there are fewer pirates than 100 years ago, and temperatures are higher.

I have no clue what they’ll be serving at that creationist theme park’s lunch room. Mana, perhaps. But at the Pastafarian one there will be spaghetti with meat balls, a combined communion and lunch, not a bad deal.

May you be touched by his noodley appendage,


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6 Responses to Would your God’s theme park have meat balls?

  1. Ben Pales says:

    Now Pastafarianism is a religeon I could get into. I do love pasta! I’ve always liked pirates, except like Doug Gibson, I can’t see myself only wearing the obligatory White puffy shirt. :)

  2. Tom says:

    Mr. “T”

    In case you haven’t noticed, Ogden already has a massive “Theme Park” – “Pirate Ship” built on the backs of the tax payers (tax incentives). It is called the Junction and it sits right in the middle of town!

  3. Charles Trentelman says:

    Not sure what the Junction has to do with a religiously based theme park.

    The Standard-Examiner resides in a building built with taxpayer money as part of a taxpayer supported military base that was then demobilized using a process funded by taxpayer money, put through a re-use process funded by taxpayer money, taken over by the city using taxpayer money, converted to an industrial park with taxpayer money, and now operates thanks to roads, radio and other communications methods regulated by taxpayer money. UDOT maintains roads to the industrial park using taxpayer money. The only non-taxpayer money ever put into this area, as far as i know, was the original money to buy the land that was raised by the Ogden Chamber of Commerce, but it was taxpayers who donated it.

    Ogden has been booming itself since 1849. You think the Junction is odd, try Coin Harvey’s festival.

    Development using taxpayer money is what cities do. Some of the businesses in the industrial park here came to Utah because of taxpayer money that paid for state and local incentives to induce them to come.

    But my proposed theme park will be better because, as far as I know, no place sells meatballs at the Junction. If I am wrong, I am happy to be corrected.


  4. Tom says:

    Mr “T”

    Whaaat, You haven’t heard about the religious movement known as the Godfreyites? They did, after all, take over the heart of your own town to build the religious theme park centered around their central belief in day glow bowling.

  5. Bob Becker says:

    For the pilgrim seeking enlightenment, here are the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s 8 “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts.” Words to live by:


    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don’t Believe In Me, That’s Okay. Really, I’m Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn’t About Them So Don’t Change The Subject.

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjigate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Dont Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This Through You Thick Heads: Woman=Person, Man=Person. Samey-Samey. One is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We’re Talking About Fashion And I’m Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia.

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go **** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off The TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******.

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Build MultiMillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/ Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick): A. Ending Poverty B. Curing Diseases C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable. I Might Be A Complex Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM The Creator.

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go around Telling People I Talk To you. You’re Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can’t You Take A Hint?

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A lot Of Leather/Lubrication/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear A CONDOM! Honestly It’s A Piece Of Rubber, If I Didn’t Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.

    In the name of His Noodly Goodness, RAmen.

  6. piratesmee1 says:

    Ramen Bob Becker! And people should know that we are considering an FSM theme park in Kentucky, and would appreciate the same tax breaks that are being proposed for the creationists’ proposed Noah’s Ark themepark in Kentucky.

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