OK, some Friday dog humor ….

Since it is Friday (or will be in 4 hours as I write this) and the Legislature will be done and celebration will be upon the land, I thought I’d share something I found on Jon Carroll’s column in the San Francisco Chronicle’s web site.

No politics, no tattoos, no illegal immigrants, no nothing, just fun, and also no links, too cumbersome, just enjoy:

“The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

“Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

“The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

“I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

“For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

“The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

“Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

To all non-pet-owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

“(1) They live here. You don’t.

“(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.

“(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

“(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

“Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

“(1) eat less,

“(2) don’t ask for money all the time,

“(3) are easier to train,

“(4) normally come when called,

“(5) never ask to drive the car,

“(6) don’t smoke or drink,

“(7) don’t want to wear your clothes,

“(8) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,

“(9) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and

“(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.”

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2 Responses to OK, some Friday dog humor ….

  1. LOL Awesome :) “fur”niture, i might have to use that one!!

  2. Neal Humphrey says:

    My two Yellow Labrador Retriever Girls started to read the blog and walked off in a huff before they got to the “better than kids” part.

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