"Dear Mr. Yang, It sure would be sad if something bad happened to you."

I found this e-mail in my mailbox this morning. This sort of thing shows up all the time, so this time I decided, what the heck, times are tough,  half of $24.5 million could come in handy one day.
But, of course, nothing is ever simple, so …..
There is a fixed deposit of $24.5m usd in my bank branch (Hang Seng Bank,Hong
Kong) where i am a director and i am ready to share 50/50 with you if you
choose to stand as my deceased client’s next of kin. if interested mail me at
the address below: (email removed.  sorry. this is my game.)

Yours Truly,
Ming Yang.
Dear Mr. Yang,
As regards your request that I serve as next of kin to your deceased client to claim half of the $24.5 million in your bank, I’d love to help but before I can accept I need a couple of things:
– Your full name, including any false names you may use for business purposes.
– Your complete address. This must be a physical address, not a post office box.
– The complete physical address of your place of employment.
– A complete description of the door and window locations of your home and office, with note of any bars or other security devices. 
– Your complete contact information, including your phone number, fax number, cell phone number, and those numbers of your wife, your children, your first cousins and their spouses.
– Your complete daily schedule for the next two weeks, where you plan to be, what hours you will be there, and who will be there with you.
– A complete description of your clothing on all those schedule events.
– A complete physical description of yourself, including any indentifying scars, marks or tattoos.
– A photograph of your car, or cars, with complete license information on all of them, including registration numbers, license numbers, and any dents, scrapes or other identifying marks.
– A description of any personal armor you wear, with notes on types of plates, their locations.
– Your assurance that, for the next two weeks, you will not be carrying any weapons, although I suspect you won’t be honest about this one so it won’t be taken too seriously, whatever you answer.
– Please also be advised that, in deals such as this, my usual split is 75-25, with me getting the 75. If that is not acceptable, please be advised that your e-mail has already been traced and your locators already entered into the job order list of a friend of mine named Guido.
You’ll like Guido. He’s a real straight shooter.
Thanks for your cooperation. I’m sure we can settle this situation in a manner that will be pleasing to all concerned.
Have a nice day.
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One Response to "Dear Mr. Yang, It sure would be sad if something bad happened to you."

  1. KC says:

    I LIKE THIS. This is a perfect way of handling this, I love it. Way to go.

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